Marionette: Or Haruhi's Day Off
by Heartless Shinra Alchemist
Summary: Involving a few hand puppets, threats of a voodoo curse, and, of course, cake. Haruhi x Mori, some onesided Haruhi x Hani if you read it that way.


"Haaa~ru~chan!"

The small blond boy hit Haruhi at a velocity supposedly not possible for a human being to achieve. Somehow, he managed it anyway. Haruhi, fortunately used to this act, was only mildly affected.

"Nn?" she droned noncomittaly, glancing down and into her sempai's large brown eyes.

"Did you know that blue whales make the biggest noise that any animal in the world can?" A wide smile broke across his face, swamping his features. Haruhi, uncertain of what else to do, patted the older boy on his small, blonde head.

This was obviously not what he was looking for. The smile faded, replaced with a pout. Obviously fake tears welled in his eyes, and he whirled away, rushing for the large figure standing a few yards away.

"Taaaaaaa~kaa~shiii! Haru-chan's being mean!" He smacked into the larger boy at an even greater speed than he had Haruhi. After years of exposure to such an occurance, however, Mori managed to take it with the endurance of a brick wall. In fact, his only response was to place his hand on his cousin's head.

"Ah."

Hani stood there for a few seconds, staring up into Mori's face. Apparently finding what he was looking for, he broke into another grin and proceeded to inch his way up Takashi's legs and onto his back. Haruhi thought that he looked rather like a periwinkle caterpillar. After conquering the mountain that was his companion, Hani pulled out Usa-chan.

"Ne, Haru-chan, would you like to eat cake with us?"

Haruhi, somewhat shocked by the invitation, looked into the boy's beaming face. "But, Hani-sempai, I thought you said that I was being mean." Hani's grin only seemed to get wider.

"Well, Haru-chan is only _really _mean if she says she won't eat cake with us. Right, Takashi? We'll even give you the strawberry!"

Haruhi sighed. When faced with this tiny sempai, she really had no defense. Nodding, she turned. "I suppose...but maybe we should make our way to the club room now?" She pointed a finger towards the direction they should go. From atop Mori's shoulders, Hani giggled.

"Silly Haru-chan! We should just skip club today. Let's go to my house and eat!"

Haruhi stared at her senior, dumbfounded. Not once had Hani _ever_ suggested that she skip club.

"Uhm...I don't think that's such a good idea..."

"Ehh? Why not?" Hani leaned forward, forcing Mori to adjust his position in order to not fall over. Haruhi resisted the inner urge to laugh at the somewhat comical synergy the two had with one another.

"Well, Kyoya-sempai wouldn't be too pleased with me, for starters. Knowing him, he'd bump my debt up more." She laughed nervously, her voice obviously quavering.

The whole group shivered as a dark mood seemed to engulf them. Indeed, the Demon King of the Host Club was a force to contend with.

"I know what to do!" Hani leapt from Mori's shoulders, his arms wrapped tightly around Usa-chan. He landed with a graceful tumble, reminding Haruhi that he _was_, in fact, the heir to a renowned martial arts family. After getting up, he turned to face his friends, flowers and sparkles and bunnies popping into existence as he smiled. _He _was _the heir to a world renowned martial arts family..._

Hani rifled through his pockets, producing sweets of many various kinds and dumping them unceremoniously onto the floor. When the pile got to be about a foot high, Haruhi began to wonder just how _many _pockets Hani had and exactly _how much could he possibly fit into all of them? _Her question was never to be answered, however, for Hani had apparently found what he had been looking for.

"Lookie!" he cried, pulling two limp cloth items from his jacket pocket. On closer inspection, they were revealed to be childish, but well-made hand puppets of Haruhi and Mori.

Haruhi blushed. "Uh...Sempai...just _where_ did you get these?" Mori's face seemed to reflect a similar embarrassed curiosity. Hani's smile exuded a few more sparkly flowers.

"My friend Tadashi makes them. I have one for all my friends!" He fished around in his pocket some more, producing puppets for Tamaki, Kyouya, Hikau, Kaoru, Cassanoda, Renge, and even Mei. Grinning the whole time, he lined them up on the floor next to the sweets, a line of flaccid and somewhat disturbing characatures. Haruhi got the feeling that Hani was very proud of himself.

"Well, it's nice that you have these, but how will they save us from Kyouya's wrath?"

From the corner, a dark chuckling could be heard. The Host Club members whirled to face the tenebrously clad Nekozawa, from which the laughter was coming.

"I know how it can help..." he whispered, smiling as he slowly crept towards the group. A thin, pale hand reached out to grasp the Kyoya puppet with a trembling hand, a cheshire cat's smile spreading across the teenager's shrouded face. "With a few voodoo rituals said by the Black Magic Club, we can instill upon this effigy the power to manipulate it's living model. Then, it is merely a simple matter of tying a blindfold abou--"

"No."

Nekozawa looked into Haruhi's face in a dumb form of disbelief. "No?"

Haruhi reached out and took the puppet from the older student's hands. "No. We thank you, Nekozawa-sempai, for your kind attempt to help us in our time of need, but your services and those of the Black Magic Club are wholly unnecesary at this time."

The president of the Black Magic Club seemed to wilt. As if possible, he seemed to sink further into his constant shroud of darkness into a cavity of despair, not unlike Tamaki's own corner of woe. Beelzenef flopped over in a slump of rejection, Nekozawa slunk away, leaving the three Host Club members feeling torn between relief and guilt, Haruhi especially.

"Ano...Haru-chan...I know that he was being scary, but was it okay for you to be so mean to him? He looked really sad as he left."

Haruhi sighed as she looked directly into Hani's innocent peering.

"I know, Hani-sempai, but just the very thought..."

There was a shared shiver between the three of them.

"Anyway, what were you saying about the puppets?" Haruhi asked, trying to clear the atmosphere both Kyouya and Nekozawa had left behind. Hani, seeming to understand (or maybe that's just how he was), rebounded quickly, pouncing on the Mori and Haruhi dolls.

"Well, if I take these two with me, and I try _really_ hard to make them sound like you, then maybe Kyo-chan will think that they're you and Takashi!" He wiggled the Haruhi doll, attempting to make it look like it was talking. "Hello, Haru-chan!" Unfortunately, Hani's voice sounded no different than his normal childlike squeak and the puppet itself looked more like it was having a seisure than speaking. Haruhi placed her head in her hands.

"Hani-sempai, it's...a _very_ nice thought, but I don't really think that it'll fool Kyouya." Hani leaned forward, his wide and seemingly innocent eyes easily viewable from between her fingers. She knew, however, that there was dangerous intent lurking behind his cherubic face.

"Why do you think that, Haru...chan?" The drawn-out syllable only strengthened Haruhi's forboeding. _How the heck was she going to get herself out of this one?_

"Kyouya-san is very smart, Mitsukuni. I think that he might tell the difference between the puppet and the real Haruhi." Mori leaned forward and gently took the puppet out of Hani's hands. Haruhi gave him a glance of vast relief. Hani merely stuck his bottom lip out in an exaggerated moue.

"Takashi...you don't think I could fool him?" he asked, his voice rising with a hidden menace. Haruhi immediately waved her hands, her face panicked.

"No...no! That's not what he meant, Hani-semapi! All that he said was that Kyouya-sempai is very smart and he would probably figure it out, no matter how good you are!"

Hani's frown loosened. "You're probably right, Haru-chan, Takashi...Kyo-chan is very smart..." He stood, staring at the remaining doll in his hands. A look of determination crossed his features. "But I'm still gonna do it! And if Kyo-chan finds out, then I'll just tell him that Haru-chan has a stomache ache and Takashi had to walk her home!" He beamed at his friends, the sparkles and flowers and bunnies flowing into existence once more. "He can't say anything about that!"

"But Hani-semapi, what about you? If you're at the club, fooling Kyouya-sempai, then how could you possibly be eating cake with us?" Haruhi took the Mori puppet from the small senior with a sigh. "I mean, I certainly don't feel right about going off and eating cake without Hani-sempai there." She squeezed her eyes shut, praying that playing Hani's dislike of being left out would change his mind. Instead, the blond boy just shrugged.

"Then don't eat cake. You and Takashi can just go and eat something. Then Haru-chan can go home and get some rest!" His hands now free of the puppets, Hani had pulled Usa-chan out of nowhere and was hugging the stuffed bunny forcefully.

"Hani-sempai, I'm fine. I don't need any rest."

"But, Haru-chan, what about when you fell asleep in club yesterday? Your customers were very upset..."

Haruhi groaned. "It was because of the music they were playing...it made me sleepy, that's all." In truth, she had stayed up the whole night before studying for a history test that she was in no way ready for. That instance past, however, Haruhi felt fine.

Hani frowned. "I don't believe you, Haru-chan. You look really tired to me." He bounced forward, snatching the puppets from both Haruhi and Mori's hands. "I'm gonna do it, you wait and see! Kyo-chan won't know a thing!" He aimed a light and innocent kick at Mori's shin. "And you'd better be nice to Haru-chan, Takashi! Make sure that you get her home so that Ranka-otou doesn't worry."

Mori nodded, his eyes intent. Haruhi hung her head, aware that she was beat. There was no reasoning with Hani and Mori when they were like this...She stood, straightening out her muscles and glancing up at Mori.

"Well, if you're so certain..." She looked over at Hani, who was sweeping the other puppets and sweets into his pockets, a somewhat triumphant grin on his face.

_Little bastard knows he's won, too..._ For a moment, Haruhi wanted to strangle her cheerful little sempai, but her animus was broken by a large hand landing onto her shoulder. Her honey-colored eyes met with Mori's deep black ones.

"We should get going," Mori said quietly, his gaze moving over to Hani, who was now situating the two puppets that rested on his hands. When he was certain that the unruly cloth objects were not going to fall off, he turned to the taller teens, his smile less smug. The miniature Haruhi twitched in what seemed to be farewell. It was either that or a spasm of pain.

"Buh-bye, Haru-chan! Have a nice rest!" The blonde boy whirled away, leaving behind a bemused Haruhi and (a somewhat less bemused) Mori.

"...ano..." Haruhi looked up at the older boy shakily. "It seems that we're on our own. Perhaps we should--"

In a sweeping motion, Mori picked Haruhi up. Startled, she attempted to struggle, but Mori's strong arms were like steel bands—Haruhi couldn't even budge.

"Uhm, Mori-sempai, I don't think this is necessary..." she groaned, blushing violently. Mori started to walk.

"Tired. Easier for you this way." Haruhi tried to protest once more, but Mori's arms merely tightened around her. Realizing that this, too, was a lost cause, she settled more comfortably into his arms, blowing at her bangs.

_Are all of my friends insane?_

- - -

A/N: Haa...I'm amazed. I went on a rampage and came out with this...I must say, I am _quite_ proud of myself. And yes, I sound really stuck up, but let's face it: You probably aren't going to review anyway.

Ehehehe...Also, I'm sorry for the terrible SA reference. _I'm sorry! I just _had _to do it! Tadashi's puppets are just too cute!_

On a lighter note, the second chapter should be up fairly soon. I plan on working on it later tonight, so maybe I'll even be able to post it up tomorrow. (I love how this will cease to matter tomorrow, but saying it makes me feel better.) Anyway, this is aimed at being a Haruhi x Mori fic, but that's really for the second chapter.

_I'm so sorry, Mori-sempai! I have failed you in not making you an important part of this chapter! FORGIIIIIIIIVE MEEEEEEEEE!_

Lastly, as far as I know, this will be a two-parter. However, I can't say for sure, since my outline for this fic is about as vague as they get. I still have no real idea what's going on-- I'm just playing this by ear, ne?

Oh, on that previous line, I was lying. I have one other thing to say before you go.

_Thank you for reading! ^-^_


End file.
